July ‘24 BOTS: How to Win Friends and Influence People

July’s Book on the Shelf

Title: How to Win Friend and Influence People
Author(s): Dale Carnegie

Dimensions of Well-being: Social, Vocational

My client shared with me “I’m worried that when my co-worker retires and her employee takes her position, it’s going to be more of the same. The toxic environment that I’m trying to get rid of will just continue on through her direct report that gets her job.”

My response: “Do want to be right, or do you want things to change?”

“Can’t I have both?” he said, half jokingly.

I smile through the phone, and say “let’s say for a second that you can’t.”

“I want things to change. I want them to see a better way to run the department, instead of just doing the same thing they’ve been doing.”

“Then you start in a positive manner. You need to make them feel it’s their idea. See it from their side….this is the way they were taught, and change is hard. Challenge them to do better, and when they are doing it in a more positive way, praise them authentically and empathically.”

And every single one of those recommendations, ones that I’ve been suggesting to leaders for over a decade, are all principles from a single book.

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I’m going to be honest, it’s been many, many, many years since I first picked up this Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

But when working with my students and clients who are looking to be better leaders, I often get asked “what book had the most impact on you as a leader?” I come back to this book.

As someone who has been labelled “influential” by many, I can confidently say this book was a large part in my ability to connect with others.

Many people may say “what’s a book written 75 years ago have to do with today’s fast-paced. globalized world?”

Well, consider this: the Bible has been around a few more years than that, and there’s plenty of lessons people are still gleaning from its text. So if being an ancient text doesn’t demerit a book, then perhaps we should consider what’s so powerful from this reading.

For me, it’s one word: universality. With an entire section dedicated to “smiling”, the principles in this book can be applied to anyone in any situation, whether it be personal relationships, or career ones.

If you’re wondering how to better connect with your team, your wife, your kids, or your neighbor, read this book. And as it suggests, read it twice. And then apply it. If you do, your social well-being will improve…you have my word.

Take-aways: For over 75 years, people have been using “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as a guide to better their connections with the people around them. With powerful anecdotes and clearly outline principles found in sections like '“ Fundamental Techniques in Handling People” and “Six Ways to Make People Like You”, this book is a guide to help you better your relationships at home, at work, and in life.

You'll LOVE this book if: You’re wanting to improve your relationships with co-workers, family members, children, friends, and more. You also realize that you have work to do to improve yourself in this way.

DON'T read if: You feel you are adept at creating, strengthening, and maintaining positive relationships, and/or you aren’t ready to look in the mirror to figure out how to improve your social health.

Reasons I love this book: Beyond the universality of the principles of this book that I mentioned above, I love this book for it’s simplicity and applicable nature. The structure of its content, from a catchy chapter heading, to a relatable anecdote, to the powerful of the principle, makes it easy to put yourself in the shoes of the stories, and understand how you might apply the lessons in your own life.

The outline of the book also lends itself to an “easy to follow” guide, with sections that clearly articulate the goal (e.g. “Part Four - Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment”).

And the most powerful aspect of the book is the tactical nature of the principles. It doesn’t just share with you the ideas (which it does), nor does it just make you think more deeply with critical questions (which it has), it CHALLENGES you to intentionally practice each principle, even going so far as to suggest you read each section twice to truly absorb it.

If you’re a leader, you influence people, there’s no exception. And if you want to be a GREAT leader, you need to want to do so in a way that makes people want to follow you. This book helps you do
Find the book here on Amazon.

Ready to strengthen your relationships?

If you’re struggling to lead others in your charge, and know you that the first place to start is by looking inward, Let’s Chat! - Coach Woody